My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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