Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
