Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
they're like a gay fantastic four
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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