Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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