My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
