yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Say something about gay babies.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize