NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
