you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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