my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
