These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
