i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
dude. I can hear the air.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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