$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hippo gnu deer
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize