Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
