I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
