o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
