so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
