Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He? As in you personified your dick?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
