I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This is my gift to your gina
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize