He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
