"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
