oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
