ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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