u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
