WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
