the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
soo... how was my night?
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