Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize