Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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