Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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