If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
