I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
