Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize