He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
