He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
