I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
