im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
