But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
