I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
