I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
