Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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