Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
