Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize