spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
