I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
