Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
