dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There r osticjed everywhere
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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