I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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