So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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