I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
