hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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