I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
