so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
this beer tastes like vomit already
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
