Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
