I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
