he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Enjoy the penises
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
