My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
