you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
