I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize