His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
