thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize