Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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