I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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