There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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