Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
