Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
