I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
