My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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