So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
