so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize