party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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