Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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