how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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