And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
