she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
