they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
