I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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