i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
