I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize