his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
