im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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