if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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