i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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