I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
