Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
