Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
