which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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