i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
