Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize