hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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