shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
