I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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